March 2, 2009: Josiah Day

WE HAD A BABY THIS MORNING! Josiah Thomas Glen was born at Covenant Lakeside hospital at 7:57 AM, 4 lbs. 13 oz., 19 inches long and absolutely perfect. The following pictures document our entire day.

Our morning began a little later than planned, after only 3 1/2 hours of sleep at 4:40 AM. Travis was up before me...


I had to grab one last "baby bump" picture at home. This would be the largest Kat ever...


We arrived at the hospital at precisely 5:30 AM. Things began to move quickly from that point on. They immediately had me hooked up to an IV and did a quick dopler to find Josiahs heart beat...


The nurse came in to inform me they were moving ahead of schedule. Instead of heading down at 7:30, they would be calling me at 7. I wanted to see my mom before I went in to surgery and became afraid that she was not going to make it to the hospital in time. To ease my anxiety, we took the very last baby bump pictures there will ever be...


They had a special set of scrubs for Travis to wear into the operating room. Doesn't he look dapper?


After we were both suited up, there was nothing left to do but wait to be called down, visit with family and pray. Glen, Cindy, Les, Valinda, Brittany, Mom, and Thomas were there before we headed to the OR. Uncle Les lead us all in a special prayer.


Right before entering the OR. This is our last family photo with the "unseen" Josiah. I was terrified. The nurses made me take off my wedding rings, and I tried to bargain with them to keep them on. Right before going in, we met with Dr. Roberts, the anesthesiologist, who was very understanding of my hyperemesis and drug sensitivities. We decided to risk the meds that make 20% of women very sick. Travis had to wait in the hallway about 15 minutes while they got my epidural set. I sobbed and shook all over and I don't think I would have made it through without one very sweet nurse who encouraged me to squeeze her hand and cry on her through the procedure.


I scared myself so badly, my blood pressure shot up to 154/94, and my heartrate was shot up to an unhealthy 150 bpm. When the epidural set in, it immediately brought down my blood pressure and heart rate so fast I required oxygen. Finally, Travis came in and he took my hand and comforted me.


Getting Josiah out was...interesting. Never one to miss an opportunity to do things differently, our once "head down" son decided to flip into a horizontal transverse position, showing his back and bottom to Dr. Devine and Dr. Burley. This unexpected gymnastic feat caught the doctors off guard, and made the C-section last a little longer. My sweet son hid from the doctors requiring five, 5, people (doctors and nurses) to scramble to try and flip him and squeeze him out of my rib cage. All I remember is Doctor Devine grunting and yelling "Come on, baby!" She's a very tall woman and was hunched over me in a very aggressive position to extract our little gymnist. At one point, Dr. Roberts, who stayed by my head the whole time, reached for my rib cage and gave an aggressive push on Josiah to assist Dr. Devine's efforts. I wasn't so much scared as I was bemused. When he was finally out, he was a little tired and a little blue, so it took the nurses a minute or two to get that first cry. When they did, he was a blonde headed banshee. The entire time they were trying to rouse him, Dr. Devine and Dr. Burley were making threatening comments about how he deserved to be in "Timeout" for giving them such a hard time.


I watched on as the nurses revived him, comforted by the tiny whimper sounds that quickly grew into angry screams. Our limp and pale little boy quickly became a red faced screaming monkey. Upon seeing his blonde hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows I immediately became concerned that I had given birth to an angry albino child. In a weak voice, I said to Travis through approaching tears "is he ok...is he albino?" He chuckled and reassured me that he was perfect...and not albino.


Our angry baby, who managed to elude doctors through his delivery (not to mention the entire pregnancy) came out tiny, but in perfect health. We were thrilled to see that he would require no time in NICU and had a very powerful set of lungs on him.


Surprisingly, he was born even smaller than predicted. As you recall, at his last BPP, he was measured at an approximate 5 lbs 1 oz. However, our beautiful boy made his grand debut into the world at a tiny, but mighty, 4 lbs 12.4 oz. The nurses graciously rounded up. Personally, I think his personality alone can account for the allotted .6 oz.


I was thrilled that Travis was the first person to hold him. I'm glad he got that very special opportunity. I was even more thrilled that Josiah was born in perfect health, allowing me to hold him and bond with him in the OR as well.


Introducing...The McCullloughs!!! Our first family photos.


While I was in recovery, Travis had the privilege of introducing Josiah to his "Paparazzi," as his giant welcome wagon became labeled by our nurses.


Two generations of two very handsome McCullough men. This is my family!!


Studly Josiah with his bright eyes open. "They found me. I don't know how, but they found me. They think they can contain me."


Travis in the newborn nursery with Josiah. After a nurse took the first picture, she informed him that he was indeed allowed to touch his child, so she took a second picture. lol


Getting to know each other in the Post-Partem



I'm so blessed that he does not have to spend any time in NICU. I was only in recovery for 45 minutes, and as soon as I was out, I was able to start nursing and get some of that precious bonding time that some women miss out on after c-sections. It didn't take us long to catch up on those missed hours...

Tired and sore mom...


Look at that nearly-white head of hair! I was telling Travis just a week ago, "I hope he has blonde hair!"


"Thank you, Lord for getting me here safely. And thank you for not letting my mommy die. Amen."


So that was our Josiah day. He's perfect and precious. We'll have many more pictures to post. I'm so exhausted, but he's wonderful and so worth it. I'm gonna go take a nap before he needs to be fed again.

We want to thank everyone for their prayers and words of encouragement that brought our sweet baby here in perfect health. We could not ask for more. Thank you all so so much.

God bless,
Kathleen, Travis, and Josiah

38 Weeks, 2 Days

Oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my.

I've been FREAKING OUT all day! I've been putting off this entry until the LAST second because I knew sitting down to blog about this would freak me out even worse! Sure enough, as I type this, my stomach is in knots and my hands are shaking! Why am I so scared?? I cried about four times today, just in complete emotional breakdown.

I'm scared for a bunch of reasons I guess. I'm scared right now because I won't be able to take my Zofran tomorrow morning, or eat anything, so the idea that I might be nauseous or throw up is terrifying to me. I called the charge nurse because I was supposed to "check in" the night before, and I asked her if there was anyway I could get around the rule of no ingesting of anything after midnight with my medicine, and she said no. She was nice about it, but she said no. So I'm going to take it at 11:59 here in a few minutes and pray it holds out until I get to the hospital. Then maybe they could put it in my IV if needed. She said they just want my stomach empty... so perhaps there are ways to get around the rules. So, fear #1: puking.

Fear #2: Surgery. Never had one, never wanted one, terrified of this one. And I know it's a minor minor surgery, but holy crap it scares me! I keep thinking about it over and over again, and I just shake all over when I think about someone cutting me open. I know you don't feel any pain, but I've heard it can feel like you're being "unzipped"... well, I like my body to stay zipped. I had a mole removed once from the back of my neck. I almost passed out and did throw up later when it got to the part where they used the little laser to cut off the blood flow on the tiny blood vessels before they stitched me up. The smell just did me in. I couldn't handle it. It was a TINY incision. So I'm pretty concerned about how I'll handle tomorrow. Yikes.

Fear #3: Really don't wanna die. I don't. I read an article early early on in the pregnancy about a lady dying during a c-section from blood loss, and I've never gotten the story out of my head. I shouldn't ever read up on anything. This always happens. However, now the fear is there, and I don't know how to chase it out of my mind. I just keep praying and praying. I know God will be there with me, and I'm at zero risk of dying on the table. I'm just a naturally anxious person, and this is the riskiest thing I've ever done.

Fear #4: Josiah. Worried I won't hear that tiny cry, which will indicate that his lungs really aren't ready. Dr. Devine joked about little wimpy white boys. She said that for some reason, there is a trend that indicates that white baby boys struggle more during pregnancy and right after birth than any other race. So weird. I know if I don't hear that initial little cry, it doesn't mean anything is necessarily wrong, he just needs to cook longer, which he'll do perfectly in NICU. But still, you long for that cry. I hope I get it.

I also hope there's nothing wrong with him that we somehow missed. I absolutely refused to have any kind of amnio done to check for chromosomal abnormalities or genetic disorders, and I'm scared that I should have. It's such a hard decision. Travis and I wouldn't have changed anything if it came back positive, and it would have just worried us and made us sick with dread. I also felt at peace every time I prayed and asked God to protect him-from day one of this pregnancy- and I felt like getting those blood tests and amnio tests done would show a lack of faith. So I just need to trust in that peace I've felt over and over again. But the night before when you can't sleep and are crazy anxious, it's hard.

Tomorrow's huge, and in a few hours we'll be getting up to head to the hospital. Thank you all so so much for your continued support. We couldn't have made it this far without your prayer and friendship. Please continue to pray for us! We'll keep everyone posted and have some beautiful baby pictures up here tomorrow!

The nurse said usually 7:30 appointments run on time, and the latest we'd get in there would be 8 or 8:15. So definitely by 9 tomorrow morning, we'll be parents. Oh my. I'm freaking out again!!

Thank you all again and God bless,
Kathleen and Travis

37 Weeks, 6 Days

I ended up just going in to see Dr. Devine today. I needed an appointment this week anyway. I woke up feeling AWFUL this morning, just the same terrible stomach upsets I've had since day one of this pregnancy, and I was secretly hoping if she saw how miserable I was, she'd be compelled to move up my c-section date. (Assuming one was scheduled for me as hoped.)

Anyway, when I got there, the nurse who was supposed to schedule my appointment was asking me if I'd seen any signs of potential labor, and I said no, and then she joked, "Well, it can't be too far off, right? I mean, we know it'll happen sometime in this month!" It didn't sound too promising that she'd remembered to schedule my c-section last week! I was getting worried.

But then the doctor came in, and I asked her about it, and it turns out they had me scheduled for the 3rd, Tuesday. That was fine and all, but I was put in the book as two slots past her noon appointment. Which would really mean a surgery time at 3:30 or 4. You can't eat after midnight the day of your surgery, so I'd go ALL day without food. Tiny snacks throughout the day and a healthy dose of Zofran are the only ways I've survived the hyperemesis this long! One nurse said, "A late c-section time would mean you would be very hungry by the time it's over," and I said, "Forget hunger, I'd be sick as a dog!" Once I throw up, I can't stop, and by just a couple of hours, I'm in need of IV fluids. It's terrible.

Seeing this, Dr.Devine called up to Labor and Delivery herself (that's how you get stuff done) and asked if there was anyway they could get me in sooner. Low and behold, there was an opening for a 7:30 a.m. c-section on Monday morning! First spot of the day! So this time, I actually do have a definite scheduled spot. No amnios, no tests, no debating over it. So tomorrow will be my last ultrasound and NST at Dr.Atkinson's office. Thank goodness!!! I was really getting worn out by those appointments.

I think it's kind of neat. My birthday is January 2nd, and his will be March 2nd. Easy enough to remember...not that I'd ever forget it.

Travis and I began the baby countdown tonight in HOURS. I can't believe it! I was also able to sit down and talk to Dr.Devine about my fears before the c-section. I've never had surgery in my life. Actually, I've never even so much as broken a bone. I just didn't quite know what to expect, despite the fact that I've been addicted to "A Baby Story" on TLC for years. It's different when it's you. She reassured me, and I'm much less anxious. I say that now, but come Sunday evening, I know I'll be a total basket case.

This whole thing is almost over, and I'll finally get to meet this kid that's caused such a ruckus for so long. Sigh.

Please continue to pray that his lungs have significantly developed, and that he's ready for delivery on Monday. Please also pray that everything goes well, and we all turn out fine. Thank you so much for keeping up with us throughout all of this. We're on the very last leg of this pregnancy journey, and God has been good.

God bless,
Kathleen and Travis

37 Weeks, 5 Days

I'm so nervous about tomorrow! I'm supposed to hear back from Dr.Devine (or at least one of her nurses) to finally tell me what the plan for next week is! I've been excited and anxious and nervous all day. All over a silly phone call!

But, as I told Travis earlier today, it seems like every time I've gotten nervous/excited regarding a c-section plan, it seems to fall through... Over and over again. But I'll remain positive and hope that they were able to come up with something.

Talking to my friend Mary yesterday, I said, "I don't know what they're going to do to get me in next week," and she said, "They're gonna bump someone else, that's what! No one deserves to deliver their baby more than you. Someone's just gonna have to wait!" Lol I wish it was that easy.

But I tend to agree with her. It made me wonder if one of those women who was getting a c-section next week was just having a scheduled c-section because it was convenient, or because she didn't want to deliver at another date or something. I know people who have selective deliveries for convenience sake. While delivering him next week certainly would be convenient for me and my health, it's extremely vital that we get him out before we risk him going into distress. I can't let myself sit here and get jealous of random women I don't even know. That's beyond ridiculous. But waiting blindly has a tendency to make me a bit ridiculous.

Here is a picture of me from the 17th (when we thought we were going to have a baby) having an NST after my second amniocentesis:

Anyway, I'll update you tomorrow on what the plan is... if there is a plan.

God bless,
Kathleen

37 Weeks, 4 Days (New Date)

Isn't it strangely ironic how two months ago, they were doing everything in their power to prepare us for a preemie, and now we're doing everything in our power to keep him in there longer so he'll be fully developed and ready for delivery??

I'm back, by the way. We were without Internet for about three annoying weeks. The guys from ATT finally came by today and said that a vital cord was cut in the box downstairs that handles our phone line. That would explain it! Anyway, they replaced whatever it was and we're back on.

Quick update:
I'm still pregnant.

The scheduled c-section date, as you all know, was set for February 17th. After the amniocentesis on the 7th, however, they did some detective work and decided that my due date was off by about a week, pushing it to March 13th instead of the 7th. Really this information changes nothing other than my morale, which was slightly damaged by the news. I didn't even want to know if the due date had changed, and really I wish I didn't know, because now it's just a discouraging fact stuck in my head. It doesn't really change anything in Dr. Devine's mind though. She still doesn't want me to carry past the 7th.

Before, when all of this started, and he was having those heart decells, we were afraid we were going to have to deliver early, and we were doing everything in our power to get him as prepared as possible for an early delivery. Now that those heart decells have stopped (thankfully), we're playing a risky time-game again, only on the opposite side of the spectrum. Now we aren't praying for more time, we're seeing how long we could possibly push it before it's too much, and we risk putting him in distress again. This has been so complicated!

See, with SGA and IUGR babies, their risk of cardiac distress or even stillbirth goes up significantly after the 38th week of pregnancy. They (being the doctors) don't really understand this phenomenon, but it happens, and there's enough evidence of it happening to scare Devine away from pushing any further beyond that point. Great! Let's just take him out now!

Nope.

The second amnio was performed on the 17th, with full hopes of the steroid shots taking effect and pushing his lung maturation to the safe delivery zone. However, we got the scores back that day and 3,000 had only grown to 7,000. Dr. Devine wasn't concerned though. She said it isn't something that can be measured laterally. It isn't something that gradually increases until you're at that precious point of 50,000. She said babies just go from immature (which he's at) to mature. Boom. By either due date, I'm full term at this point, which is reassuring. However, as I'm learning, that doesn't necessarily mean that baby is ready to be born. Reassuringly, Devine doesn't think this is anything to be concerned about either. She told me last week that she had a patient who has delivered four babies with her. She said that the first two children were delivered at 38 weeks via c-section, and both had to be in NICU for about a week on oxygen. The second two babies she decided to hold out on, and delivered them at week 40. Neither of them went to NICU. So while the pregnancy books and websites all say "Congratulations, you're now at week 37, which means if baby were born today, you'd have a healthy full term infant," it isn't necessarily so. All babies are different, and some just take their time getting there.

But with Josiah we can't risk holding off until week 40 because he's SGA. It's too big of a risk. And honestly, I'd rather have a baby on oxygen in NICU for a little while than risk a stillbirth. There is no debate about that.

Dr. Devine was appalled at the reaction of the nurses in antepartum, and reassured me that they were just being dramatic and bored. She said that she has seen numbers that low, and it didn't shock or worry her at all. And while Dr.Atkinson expected the chances of his lungs being developed to be about a 50/50 shot, Dr. Devine said in her opinion, it was more of a 10/90 shot. In other words, not only was she not surprised at how underdeveloped his lungs were, she wasn't even expecting them to be ready- on the 7th or the 17th. That made me feel better. She said babies who have fully developed lungs before they are full term are generally the children of sick moms. The mothers suffer from hypertension, gestational diabetes, placenta previa, etc., and somehow baby's body knows he will have to fight to survive, and he will have to do it fast, because his delivery is coming sooner than a normal healthy baby's. She said that since Josiah isn't remotely ready to be delivered yet (or at least he wasn't when we took those little peeks into his world), that just lets her know that he isn't in any kind of distress. His body isn't overcompensating or working double time to get ready for delivery. His body is reacting like a baby that would be born at 40 or even 42 weeks.

So that's all wonderful news. I never thought that his underdeveloped lungs could actually mean that he's doing incredibly well! I was thrilled to hear that, and since then I haven't really worried about it.

I just hope he's ready whenever he's delivered. They tried to schedule me for another c-section at the hospital for any day next week, and all slots were full. The nurse said that she'd let me know on Thursday what Dr.Devine had come up with. She was strictly adamant on not letting me carry past the end of next week, so I have full faith it'll be sometime next week...I hope.

Good news though, she isn't doing anymore amnios...which is good, because that last one REALLY hurt. She's taking a "ready or not" approach, which I fully support. We can't risk giving him another two weeks or so to continue cooking. This means he realistically may have to spend a little time in NICU, something I thought we were past, but again, I'm ok with that. As Dr.Devine said last week, we've come so far in this pregnancy, and overcome so much, I would hate for us to get over-confident in these final weeks and put him at risk of falling off the wagon. We're in the strange zone where taking extra time is actually bad for baby. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm just so beyond ready for this to be over. I was worried that I would be overly discouraged after the 17th didn't pan out, but I wasn't. Travis and I still spent a wonderful day together, and I knew it would only be a week or two more from that point.

Please just pray that whenever he's delivered, he's ready and healthy. That's what I pray constantly for him. Thank you so much for your continued prayer and support. We'll get there eventually!

God bless,
Kathleen

36 Weeks, 0 Days

Well, we found out bad news today.

Yesterday I went in for a weekly ultrasound and they measured Josiah at 4 pounds, 4 ounces, which I thought was fantastic, until the sonographer told me that his new weight placed him lower than the 3rd percentile for his gestational age. They had a hard time getting him to move on the monitor during my NST earlier in that same appointment, and I'd complained about decreased movement as well. This concerned Dr. Atkinson (the new drop in size coupled with the decreased movement), so he ordered an amniocentesis this morning at the hospital to test for fetal lung maturity to see if his lungs were stable enough to deliver as early as this week.

We were so excited, and absolutely certain that his lungs would definitely be mature enough (surely this late in the game, right?) and got everything ready for baby to arrive even sooner than the 17th. We even installed the car seat in the car this morning. Dr. Atkinson made it sound like if his lungs were found to be mature enough, he'd deliver him as early as Monday or Tuesday of this week.

They did the amniocentesis, which I was scared about, but it really wasn't that bad. It hurt, and the risks they warned me of right before the procedure were terrifying, but everything turned out fine. Then they took me into a private room to do an NST for an hour while we awaited the test results.

The nurse came in after a little while and said that there were two separate tests performed to judge fetal lung maturity. She said in the first test, the number (I don't know what units it is measured in) should be 50,000 for mature lungs. After week 34, the baby starts producing more and more chemicals from his lungs working so this number increases by 15,000 apx. every week until it reaches the full maturity of 50,000. Josiah's numbers were 3,000.

I thought for sure I'd misheard the nurse.

She said, "I'm so sorry. I'm just completely shocked. I've never in my career seen numbers so low before. I honestly don't know what this means. There's a chance though that an error could have occurred on this test, which is why we order two. In the second test, which I'll get back in a moment, the magic number is 50. I'll let you know when I hear from the lab..."

We waited in silence, and my mind raced with all of the possible explanations for his lungs being so devastatingly immature at this point.

She came back into the room. She said, "Well, the second test results came back, and like I said before, fully mature lungs would register at a 50 on this test. His registered at 7."

Seven.

Dr. Atkinson was expecting the first test to register around 40,000 and the second test to show up somewhere in the 40's. (The two test results correlate with one another.)

But 3,000 and 7? The nurse just kept reiterating how shocked she was, and how she'd never seen anything like this in her career, nor had she ever heard of such a thing. I wanted to hit her.

She left the room, and I was in complete shock. So had his lungs just stopped developing all together? What did this mean? If this certain chemical put off by his lungs was supposed to increase by 15,000 every week at his age, then even if we kept him in until full term, 40 weeks, he still could not reach the ideal 50,000 they were looking for. How is his lung development so severely delayed?

The nurse came back into the room, this time with news from her charge nurse. My face lit up with hope of some positive information. She said, "I just asked my charge nurse if she'd ever seen numbers like this on a fetal lung maturity test, and she hasn't either. The only thing she can think of is perhaps your dates are off."

So I said, "Ok, assuming my dates are off, what gestational age would be consistent with such low output readings as his?"

She fumbled a little and said, "Well, I don't really know. That's lower than any 30 weeker I've ever seen. Maybe 28 weeks?"

I became very frustrated with her at that point and said, "There is absolutely NO WAY I am EIGHT weeks off! That's ridiculous and quite impossible."

Then Travis spoke up and said, "Well, there have always been debates about your actual due date. I mean, didn't they toss out the 15th of March at one point?"

I said, "Yes, so that would put me ONE WEEK off on my due date. One week. So, say I am 35 weeks pregnant and not 36. His numbers on his lung development are still devastatingly low. That does not help."

The nurse simply shrugged and said, "I really don't know what to tell you... I spoke with Dr.Atkinson on the phone, and he really sounded like it may be a dating issue. He didn't mention anything else. I can't think of what else could cause such a thing, but then again, if it's a dating issue, then either your due date has been miscalculated by more than a month, or his lungs are still developing at an alarmingly slow rate."

She left the room and I completely broke down and cried. When she came back in, she saw that I was crying and offered the words of support, "I know it must be disappointing to think you're coming to the hospital to deliver and then find out he's not quite ready..."

I said, "I'm not disappointed about not getting to deliver! I'm terrified because those numbers do not reflect lung maturity that is compatible with life! I mean, could he survive if he were delivered with those numbers??"

She said, "Well, I definitely think so. We deliver babies at 24 weeks who survive, and we don't perform amniocentesis tests on them to find out their lung maturity, but I would imagine his is somewhere in the same neighborhood as a 24 week old baby."

Great. A 24 week old baby can be born with underdeveloped lungs and survive. But there is a simple explanation as to why a 24 week old baby would have delayed lung development to that extreme level. So what is the explanation for a 36 week old baby to have that same extreme level?? What's going on to cause his lungs to develop so slowly?

They sent me home with absolutely no answers, and only told me to call Dr. Atkinson on Monday and ask him what he thinks might be going on.

Travis clung to the date thing, and I guess it makes him feel better. She said that numbers that low would still be incredibly alarming for a baby at even 32 weeks gestation. So let's say in some crazy world they got off on my due date by as much as 4 weeks, a full month. He's still very very sick. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but the off-dates thing doesn't make me feel any better. Regardless of dates, something is very wrong.

The doctor wants to perform another amniocentesis in 10 to 12 days, and see where his lungs are at that point. They gave me a booster shot of the steroids I received 2 months ago that were initially supposed to help speed up his lung growth. I don't see those results.

So the scheduled C-section is obviously off the table. Something new has been discovered that we need to figure out.

Please continue to pray, more now than ever. And please pray for my own spirits, which are waning incredibly fast.

Kathleen